Plankton’s Alternative Guide to Glastonbury Festival 2009

AKA: five things you’d be a fool to miss out on…

1) The Stone Circle at sunrise or sunset

If you haven’t seen Glastonbury from the Stone Circle, you haven’t seen Glastonbury. The Stone Circle is home of many things, in particular “all that is good and spiritual” (a convenient umbrella term for hippies, narcotics and general deviance). If that’s not enough, it also offers a stunning audiovisual panorama of the world’s greatest festival, best viewed at sunrise or sunset.

View from the Stone Circle (© Russ Garret)

2) Novak 3D Disco (Silent Disco, Thursday and Sunday)

As if the standard two dimensional light shows aren’t enough to trigger a full-scale epileptic fit already, the Novak Collective have developed a mystical third dimension of boogie to send you completely over the edge. Imagine a giant, three-dimensional Annie Lennox up close and personal -

- and the thought probably terrifies you to your very core. So… I’ll see you there then, cowering in fear at the unnecessary extra dimensional extravagance.

3) The Glastonbury World Cup (Pyramid Stage field, Wednesday)

England take on the Rest of the World in a colossal clash between footballing titans, to raise money for Wateraid.  Be there, if for no other reason than to see me lineup for the Three Lions, or to witness the greatest battle of body and spirit since Monkton and Plankton made themselves a sweet blog.

4) Shlomo & The Vocal Orchestra (Park Stage, Saturday)

One of the highlights of last year’s festival, an incredible beatboxing ensemble with a repertoire from De La Soul to Massive Attack and beyond, via the likes of Paul Simon and The Jackson 5. Guaranteed to bring on a ton of special guests for the ride too - past collaborators include Björk, Jarvis Cocker, The Specials, Damon Albarn and Mr Scruff. Don’t miss it.

5) The Juke Joint

A new venue located in the by night bedlam of Trash City, modestly described as “a giant interactive pinball table-cum-music venue, in which the audience, as the pinball, gets catapulted through a series of incredible worlds, culminating in a giant light-up score board which reveals a four piece robot band and a chorus line of 30ft animatronic puppets when a new high score is achieved”. So just your average night out then.

Plankton x